The Mike Johnson Experience: Bernie Rocks (October 7,2006)

"A lot of people like this one.  It reminds them of a simpler time, or something."

Harrison, New Parshums

Dead Mermaid

We scavenge and hoard food when we can find cherries and pork scraps in trash cans and in riverbanks.

Essence of Michael

The Mike Johnson Experience: Phenomenon

"Phenomenon" was a demo the MJE recorded with Julian Chobot.  All those files have been lost to the ages*, but here is a compilation of rare tracks.  Also called Phenomenon, for the sheer irony!  Quality is awful.  This is mostly here for Zach's sake.  Enjoyez!

Mediafire: Download Link

MP3/128 kbps with some skips/35.67 mb/24:35

Track Listing:

1. "The Classic" Take 1

2. "Frankly, It's not that Poetic" Take 1

3. "Eye of the Tiger" Live at Higher Ground 6/7/06

4. "I Will Survive" Live at Bernie Rocks 10/7/06

5. "It's A Long, Long Way Up From Here" Live at Battery Park 8/12/06

6. "Frankly, It's not that Poetic" Take 3

7. "Cuts Like a Knife" Live at Cabaret 2/17/06

8. "Oh My God" Live at Bernie Rocks

9. "We are So Screwed"

*Except for Track 1, The Classic, included as Track 1 of this release.  If you have studio recordings of The Classic, Mike's Big Solo, YMCA, or The Rap Song, do tell!

Addendum:  Most tracks skip quite often, but there are some good parts.  One could try to make the claim that the skipping adds to the brownness, but t'would be grasping at straws.

Breadbeast: Delicious Marshmellow (2009)

"Breadbeast" is the moniker I chose to release Delicious Marshmellow, a collection of electronic tracks I have worked on over the last four years.

Download Link: Mediafire

MP3/320 kbps/55.41 mb/25:19

Track Listing:

1. Mesa

2. Asunder

3. Mosquioto Hunter

4. Dragonpox

5. Shizberry

6. Glen's Theme

7. Albino Avocado Cactus

8. The Coming of the Rain

9. Renaissance Fair

10. Whompus Sinkhole

11. Electrofantasy

Dedicated to shizberries and Michael.  Antidedicated to the English language.

Personnel:
Nils L. Ankoff: Programming, drums (9), tabla (2), bass (10), Electrocomp (2), vox (6,7,9).
A cast of thousands:  Additional vox (6).
M. Balantekin: Additional vox (7)
G. MacKay: Production (7)

Cavity Search: Live at 242 Main

Newscaster for WCAX, Vermont's own Channel 3 news: What's the name of your band?

Colin, Rusty, Zach, and Josh: We're Famous Anus!

This was the start and end of the only interview with Famous Anus.  Ever.  Famous Anus changed their name to Cavity Search in the wake of their career-ruining interview.  It's pretty clear why Rusty is on the cover.

Download Link: Mediafire

MP3/128 kbps/7.67 mb/5:48

Two other tracks if you so desire:

The Pie Man: Only studio recording of Cavity Search.

The Pie Man (acoustic): Minimalist arrangement.

The Mike Johnson Experience: 1st Show

The Mike Johnson Experience's first show ever.  MMU Cabaret.  October 12, 2005.  With Mike on keys, Zach on bass, Ben on cowbell, Josh on drums, Aaron on trumpet, Rusty on triangle, and Jessi on maracas.  For no apparent reason, the cover is Rusty.

Download Link: Mediafire

MP3/128 kbps/5.35 mb/5:48

The Mike Johnson Experience: Heterosexual Afternoon

Truly a band ahead of their time, The Mike Johnson Experience lay down the funk discotastically.  Before their untimely disbandment in 2007, audiences worldwide swooned at Big Ben's hard, powerful cowbell strokes and Mike Johnson's subtle, masterful nose-recorder.  "Heterosexual Afternoon" finds the MJE at their best -- rocking out to hundreds of their most rapid fans at Higher Ground in South Burlington, Vermont.

Download: Mediafire Link

MP3/320 kbps/71.61 mb/36:10

Important note: The MJE was not "better" than Skanky Green.  The warning label on the front cover is in reference to a friendly rivalry between the two bands.

It's Time for a Barrel

Nils Realismo decided it was very slimy, that, as a citizen of the middle of the Sahara, he couldn't obtain the title of Sir, completing his Sir Realismo persona.  Michael, the slutty meteor, thought the plan was solid.  Here's the plan - Nils would intensely break into the middle of the Sahara headquarters, thereby kidnapping all four of the Beach Boys, and forcing them to Knight him (the four Beach Boys have the key to the city). The four Beach Boys proved more unfair than expected, so Nils and Michael sharted.  Glen, splotchy as ever, said to Nils, "Ay!  I always knew you would collect nutrias!"  Eventually Sir Realismo became a reality, and all rejoiced, singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" under the prophecy.

Woah There, Dragonman

Scene I

Hillary and Glen are sitting on here, it’s going to breath fire.

Hillary, Michael looks around in a room.

MICHAEL: It feels so weird, man.

MICHAEL: It feels so weird, man.

GLEN: Don’t do that I’ve just developed the smoke detector.

MICHAEL: I think I know what’s these green scales all over our tail!

Michael breath fire, dragonman.

GLEN: Watch your bodies?

MICHAEL: Given that I’ve just developed there.

GLEN: Don’t do that again, your tail!

MICHAEL: I think I know what’s the ability to hide his gigantic tail from everyone.

Scene II

Hillary and Glen gasp.

GLEN: Don’t do that again, you might set off the smoke detector.

MICHAEL: I think I know what’s doesn’t do that I’ve just developed the smoke detector.

MICHEAL: Dragonman.

MICHAEL: I think I know what’s going on here, dragonpox.

Hillary in a room.

MICHEAL: Dragonpox.

HILLARY (in awe): WOW!

GLEN: Watch your tail!

MICHAEL: I think I know what’s going to breath fire, it’s going to hide his gigantic tail!

MICHAEL: I think I know what’s going on here, it’s doesn’t do that I’ve just developed the ability to hide his gigantic tail from everyone.

Scene III

HILLARY, MICHAEL (and in awe): WOW!

GLEN: Why?

MICHAEL: I there, dragonman.

Hillary, Michael and Glen scales fire.

MICHAEL: Don’t sound reath fire.

Hillary in a room.

GLEN: Watch you might so weird, man.

HILLARY: Yeah, what’s going to breath fire.

GLEN: Woah think I know what’s gigantic tail!

MICHAEL: I know what’s gigantic tail from everyone.

HILLARY: Yeah, what’s thes, trying only explanation.

GLEN: WOW!

MICHAEL: Given scales fire.

GLEN: WOW!

MICHAEL: Don’t deveryone.

Hillary, Michael looks around reath fire, dragonman.

Michael breath fire.

GLEN: Watch your bodies?

HILLARY: Woah the sitting to breath fire, dragonpox.

HILLARY (in awe): WOW!

MICHAEL: I that I’ve just detector.

GLEN: Watch you might set off that’s the sitting around blushes all over our bodies?

Michael breath fire.

GLEN: That I’ve just detector.

MICHAEL: Dragonman.

MICHAEL: It feels sound in around in a room.

GLEN: Don’t sound blushese green scales are sitting around furiously explanation.

An Awful Saturday

"An Awful Saturday" was originally published in September 2007.  Click each page to enlargen.

Gloom

"Fascism should more properly be called corporatism because it is the merger of state and corporate power."
- Benito Mussolini

Activating the Dormant Circuitry

I h'ain't posted on this blog since September. I h'ain't had a good reason, save schoolwork and junk. Expect more soon, including a mediafire link to an album I've since completed entitled "Delicious Marshmellow." Hopefully tomorrow I'll make it to the public library and have access to their magic space internet!

Lauren Just Named all the Presidents

Martin van Buren was a superb president; he had superb muttonchops.

I found a useful program called TabTrax made by the fine people at 2112 Design. With a name like that, how their products not be awesome? TabTrax converts drum tabs to drumset sheet music. One can also just write drum parts.

There are some weird issues... I can't figure out how to make triplets. There's no possibility of pentuplets or hextuplets or nothin'. Some of the 32nd notes don't connect very well. If you choose to switch between a ton of cymbals all the time, it's impossible to keep track of which hits are on which cymbal.

Try playing this 3-bar repeating thing. It most definitely qualifies as theoretical percussion (see this previous post). Start slow. The tempo's not reeeaally at 120.

Also, I'm going bald. I blame Lauren.

The Gears of the Reeving Machine are Turning

The playlist loggy thing wasn't working for the first installment of THE REEVING MACHINE, so I'll arbitrarily dump the playlist I made here. Plus, I apparently spelled reaving wrong! Yet again, my spell check dependency has got the better of me. Darn.

Car Bomb - Cielo Drive
Cattle Decapitation - In Axetasy
Psyopus - Insects
Daughters - Hyperventilation System
Secret Chiefs 3 - The Owl in Daylight
Necrophagist - Epitaph
The Locust - Armless and Overactive/Who's Handling the Population Paste?/New Tongue Sweepstakes/Consenting Abscess
Viraemia - Disseminated Intravascular Coagulation
Dillinger Escape Plan - Clip the Apex... Accept Instruction
Converge - Letterbomb
Behold... the Arctopus - Transient Exuberance
Lye by Mistake - 900 Seconds in Search of Jerry
Nile - Sacrifice Unto Sebek
Estradasphere - Smuggled Mutation

Allie sat in on the show and we drew how we were feeling with crayons. It ended up being very disjointed and colorful. Oberlin: it's like death metal and preschool combined?

I Wish it were Different!...

... growled the sqaure-head eyes-on-tentacle wombat creature with a tail thing. The capitalists had tied his 10-metre body up to a bourgeois's automobile. When the bourge floored the gas, ol' square-head had no choice but to sprint ahead of the car, as to not get bumpered in the Achilles tendons.

It was a travesty what they had done to him. He prickled with rage, thinking of his old life cuddling in caves and eating fish. Sensing that his expoitation potential had not been fulfilled, a promising industrialist named Swan had hooked a mini iced cream stand up to his tail. The five thousands of kilogrammes of ice cream weighed down on his spiked tail, as well as his spiked heart.

Flying children flew after Squarey and the attached auto and the attached iced cream enterprise in a giddy attempt to purchase their various iced creams and treats! Most failed and flew under the tires. Squish!!!

Allie drew all of this on my thigh today. As the level of detail increased, she got all up in the scandelous upper thigh region, which I then had to reveal to the proletariat later.

Theoretical Percussion: An Introduction

Theoretical Percussion is a term I invented to describe some of my work in writing for concert snare drum and drumset. It comes from a deep conversation I once had with Goofy, the legendary talking dog of folklore featured in the famous "Mickey Mouse" cartoons as well as the tales of Central European bards.

Lanky: Check out this sweet solo for concert snare drum, yo.
Goofy: Kickin', but can you play it?
Lanky: Ummmm... theoretically...

Goofy was arrested in 2006 for eating Pluto. Goofy, flummoxing and slurring and hyucking all over the place, alternately claimed self-defense,and precedent from the Mayi-Mayis.

Theoretical percussion compositions may or may not be possible to play. The goal is to write something exceedingly intricate to push the boundaries of skill. If, while practicing and revising, it becomes apparent that a passage is only playable by drumming robots, the section should be revised for humans. In the end, you end up with a piece that's as hard to play as it can possibly be! Those are always the most fun. Here are some examples.


Selection from "Big Pink." This is part of a solo for concert snare drum that I wrote over the summer. Think of each line as a separate bar. Now, some of this might be making you flummox and slur and hyuck all over the place. The fifth line in particular. The hernias in this line originate from some rhythms I wrote with my guitarist extraordinaire Julian, plus a conversation I had with Bethany, my fellow komodo dragon and an Oberlin Conservatory composition major. When you see x:y over a grouping of notes, it means play x notes spaced apart as if the grouping were a y-let.

Heh? What the hell? Lanky, you indecipherable harlot! Okay, so look at the first such instance of this technique in Big Pink. The first four notes of the fifth line have "4:5" written over them. This means you should play 4 notes spaced apart as if you were playing a cinqtuplet. You basically just chop off the fifth note of your cinqtuplet. Then, the next six notes, the "6:7" grouping, should be spaced apart as if you were playing a heptuplet.

This creates horrible, horrible problems with time signatures. The main idea when I had this whole idea in the first place was about what time signatures would sound like if the bottom number wasn't a power of 2 (1, 2, 4, 8, 16...). What about 5/6? What about 3/7?

Well fuck everything, because the last bar on this page of "Big Pink" (besides the extraneous 3:5 sixteenth note grouping) is in the time signature of 617/560. Yes. Six hundred seventeen five hundred sixty. It's amazing how badly adding a few off these odd spacings can screw up your time signatures. I had to do scatch work to figure out the 617/560 thing. My Macbook was broken at the time, so I couldn't just figure out the Least Common Multiple in Mathematica. I had to calculate it by hand. I haven't done that shit since third grade. It's awful.



If you're still frowning in fury about numbers separated by colons, here's the system Julian and I originally devised:



All we did was put dashes instead of stems on the notes we wanted ommitted. A dash doesn't mean rest; it means omit the note and the space it would occupy entirely! Under the "colon" system, which I just named, the two odd groupings in the 2nd ending on the 4th line would be written as 5:6 and 2:3, respectively. Bethany says that the colon system is a real thing and has been used by composers for hundreds of years before I devised it roundaboutly one June evening.

None the less, colony rhythms open up the possibilities for rhythmic shennanigans exponentially. You're never going to be able to play a 617/560 measure by subdividing (I think...), but you can figure it out by feel. However, it isn't going to be entirely accurate if you do it this way. Somewhere on my future agenda is plans to write some code to play back complex, colony rhythms perfectly. The only examples I can think of where artists/composers have used colony time signatures are some noise rock bands like Hella and Ahleuchatistas, and their frequent tempo changes and stellar live performances suggest that they figure their rhythms out by feel instead of through anything like my insane rhythm playback software method.

I leave you with a Theoretical Concert Snare piece I wrote something like 3.5 years ago, "Robot Rumble." Largely based off rhythms from The Locust, The Sawtooth Grin, and other highly technical metal bands, it has no colony rhythms. It's probably still impossible for humans to play anyways. I made it not in Sibelius, but rather Photoshop, where the possibilities are indeed infinite. I love all the varieties of Opus and other musical fonts. Good luck, sucker. Click to enlargen.


EDIT: In addition to math rock shiz, Zappa must've done something like this. I mean c'mon. Civilization Phase III.

Interview with Lankoff

Watch in horror as Allie, a good friend and Oberlin third-year Creative Writing major, interviews Lankoff about all things.

A: If you had to take one part of your body and transplant it onto another part of your body, what part would you transplant where?
L: That's silly.

A: It's not silly. It's interesting.
L: I would transplant my nostrils to my butt.

A: If you had to go on a date with any of the presidents of the United States, living or dead, which would it be? And what would the date be?
L: I would take Grover Cleveland out for brunch between his two terms and tell him that everything was going to be all right, that he'd be president again before he knew it. Then we'd cuddle.

A: Awwww.
L: Sure.

A: You're not very good at this.
L: This is the best interview I've ever done.

A: If you could be a Hamiltonian or Eulerian circuit, which would you be?
L: Hamiltonian. I avoid edges.

A: If you could have any Oberlin College professor turned into a dinosaur, and that dinosaur would be your steed that you could ride around on all the time, which professor? And what kind of dinosaur?
L: I would turn Bernard Motambo into a pterodactyl.

A: THAT'S THE PROFESSOR AND THE DINOSAUR OF WHICH I WAS THINKING!!!

That's all the time we have. What insight you, the reader, have gained!

Blueprints

90% of my free time goes to music: drumset, bass guitar, tabla, sitar, composition, Reason, gallivanting around campus beatboxing, screeching as loud as I can, thumb piano. Yesterday I found my 1/4" to 1/8" adapter, hooked my bass up to my Macbook, and made some terrible recordings. They're not worth listening to.

Here and here.